does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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