Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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