you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
