So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
