My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
