I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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