i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
