that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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