I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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