Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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