ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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