i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
