I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
