please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
