I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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