While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
