I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
