you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
