FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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