You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
