There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
