This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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