Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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