I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
