She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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