I faked an abortion last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
