I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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