He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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