i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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