Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
