Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yo dont text me then not text me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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