It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Actions speak louder than pants.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
