I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
