Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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