So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she peed on how many people?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
