I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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