she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
