It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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