I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
