East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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