matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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