I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
