Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
