Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
