just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
