I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize