so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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