Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
