Non-Jews are for practice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
