Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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