GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
