I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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