Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
