Define "chronic" masturbator.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
