i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mom said you looked used
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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