I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
