I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
