Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Even my vagina gasped.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
