So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
