my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
