Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
