bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
