We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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