she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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