Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
