hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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