happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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